If You Could See Me Now
by Myra109
Summary: Sometimes Leo wonders what his mom would think if she could see him now. Character deaths, language, underage drinking, smoking, based off of the song by the Script


_I'm working on my other stories, but I've been in an a_ _ngsty kind of mood lately, so I've been caught up doing one shots. My apologies, but this is based off of the song by the Script under the same name._

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or HOO or the song this is based off of._**

* * *

"Hey, Mom," Leo Valdez whispered to his hands, "I don't know if you can hear me or if I'm just talking to myself, but I just- I needed to talk to you. I'm sorry that I'm probably not what you want in a kid. I'm annoying and I mess up everything I touch. I-I killed you and I fired on the Roman Camp. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment."

Leo broke down and sobbed. He didn't know what his dead mother thought of him or why he was apologizing when she pry couldn't hear him.

It was that day again- the day she died eight years ago, but that didn't make it any less painful. Leo hadn't come out of his room all day, instructing Annabeth to keep the Argo 2 flying while he would rest, claiming he was sick. Yeah, he was sick, alright. He was sick of being alone and unwanted and grieving the people that died because of him.

He wonders what his mother would say if she could see her son now. Would she be proud of him? Hug him? Or turn him away because of how much of a disappointment he was?

Shaking his head to clear it, Leo dove back into his work, wacking the nail with his hammer so hard, he felt the vibrations in his teeth. All the while, he was remembering his foster father's words, 'Work, work, work, and forget.'

He'd been one of the nice ones, but his wicked daughter was not so nice. Sarah hated him with a passion and Leo ran a month after he was placed with them. He found out later that they both died in a car accident a week after he left because his foster dad had gotten distracted when he thought he saw Leo walking down the road. Turns out, it was another boy named Mark Turner. Yet another death because of him.

* * *

 ***IN ELYSIUM***

 _Esperanza frowned as she watched her boy cry into his hands before ruthlessly, hammering a nail into place. Why was he so convinced that she was disappointed in him?_

 _He'd done a million things to made her proud. Her boy fixed people's problems and things and she couldn't be more proud of his ability to ease the tension and of his loyalty. He always put others before himself; Leo built a war ship to save a kid he didn't know even if it meant hardly sleeping or eating. Of course, she wasn't proud of the fact that he wasn't taking care of himself, but his selflessness was a reason for her to smile upon him from Elysium._

 _Yes, she could see him. Hades set up a magical orb in each house so that the occupants could look upon the people they let behind._

 _She remembered one night she'd had friends from other houses over and they'd seen the ship her son and his half siblings had built. They'd all been amazed at it and they oohed and awed for hours over the design and the craftsmanship before finally asking her who made it._

 _Beaming, Esperanza had replied, "My son, Leo."_

 _They'd been even more amazed after that._

 _She sighed. How could Leo still believe that he was nothing more than a disappointment to her?_

 _"I love you, Leo," she whispered to the orb and prayed that somehow, her boy would hear her._

* * *

 ***BACK ON THE ARGO 2***

Leo took a drag of the cigarette as he quietly cried. If any members of the crew came in, he was dead meat when they saw him smoking, crying, and drinking.

That being said, he took a sip of whiskey straight from the glass bottle. How'd he get this stuff you ask? Well, that's a secret. He won't even allow me to write it down because if Annabeth or Piper find out how he gets all this stuff when he's not even eighteen, much less twenty one... it won't be pretty.

There was a knock on the door.

"Leo, Annabeth needs your help with Festus's commands," Percy calls. "Are you well enough?"

Leo smiles. Perfect. He's pale with bloodshot eyes and the whiskey will make him unsteady, making him look sick. The only problem is he prays Percy won't smell the alcohol or the smoke clinging to his body and breath.

Rubbing some oil and grease on his clothes and arms to cover up the scent of it, he opened the door and coughed- a real cough due to his smoking.

"No, but I-I've got the basics written out. H-He speaks in Morse Code, so she can use the Internet for anything that's not on the sheet," Leo said, looking at a very concerned and somewhat suspicious Percy. Damn it! Didn't he say he had an alcoholic stepfather? Wouldn't that mean he would recognize the scent of alcohol and smoke, unlike Jason or Hazel or hell, even Piper? If he was anything like Leo, who had multiple alcoholic foster parents, then the son of Hesphestus was screwed.

"Okay," Percy finally decided not to question it and took the notebook from the scrawny demigod. "Get some rest. You look dead on your feet."

"Yeah," Leo yawned, "good idea."

Leo shut the door and stumbled back to his bed, where he continued to drink his pain away.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he whimpered as he took another gulp of the fiery liquid. "I'm sorry."

* * *

 ***IN ELYSIUM***

 _Esperanza watched her son with an uncharacteristic frown marring her features. She wanted to march up there and scold him for underage drinking and smoking of course, but then again, she knew why he was doing it. He was doing this to forget, but even when he was totally intoxicated, he cried for his mom and his dead friends. The mother isn't sure why her son continues to drink if it makes the grieving worse, but she tries to understand._

 _Leo coughs and grips his hair, screaming. She hates that the walls are soundproof; someone needs to be there for Leo. Flames sprout up among his curls, and he rips a few strands of chocolate colored hair out of his scalp._

 _"Oh, Leo," she murmurs to the image. "I miss you, little lion. My firebug."_

* * *

 ***BACK ON THE ARGO 2***

Leo had stayed the whole day holed up in his room and when you're alone for that amount of time, well, you start thinking.

He thought of all the demigods lost in the wars- all the half brothers and sisters. He thought of Nico, grieving his lost sister like she died yesterday and not four, five years ago. All of them breaking down at their memory or when they heard the news; did they cry or were they too shocked?

He thought of him, Frank, Hazel, Nico, and Jason and Thalia, who all lost their mothers, as well as many more people out there. He isn't alone in this.

He thinks of Piper and Annabeth, who spent years being neglected by their dads. Maybe they weren't dead, but sometimes grieving a person who isn't dead is worse than attending their funeral. He thinks of all those out there that don't have one of their parents at all like some of his foster siblings or those with godly parents.

He thinks of the gods because deep down, he knows they grieve their kids, at least at some point. He thinks of Sally Jackson, who he met once when Annabeth dragged him, Jason, and Pipes to meet her. She lost her son, not to death, but he was missing for months. The not knowing was killing her.

Maybe he isn't alone after all.

* * *

 ***IN ELYSIUM***

 _Esperanza smiles. Looks like her son finally made a break through. She just doesn't want him to be alone._

* * *

 ***BACK ON THE ARGO 2***

The next week, the battle rages around him, but he only has one goal: take Gaea out. Leo stands before her and with a smirk, his hands catch fire.

Now, he'd known he probably wouldn't survive, but he didn't expect the cannonball, the explosion, or the rather girlish scream that seemingly came from nowhere.

The son of blacksmiths was tossed through the air like a rag doll and Festus can't catch him in time. He hits the ground and then, he's no longer on a battlefield with the sound of swords clanging or screaming surrounding him.

Leo Valdez is standing in the EZ death line and before he knows it, his name is called and he stands before the three judges.

"He save the world," the one on the right begins.

"He saved Frank Zhang and Hazel Levesque's lives," the center adds.

"He killed his mother!" The right one screeches.

"Actually," the center counters, "Gaea killed Esperanza Valdez before the fire was even started, so that is not a true point."

Leo is relieved and shocked. He didn't kill his Mama as he had believed for so many years.

"The fact that he defeated Gaea earns him an automatic spot in Elysium," the center decides and together, Right begrudgingly, state,"Elysium," before center bangs the gavel.

Charles Beckendorf meets him at the gates, alongside his girlfriend, Silena. They get acquainted and the couple escort the younger into Elysium.

He's immediately bombarded with people. A few he recognizes from camp, such as Kathy from Demeter and Niel from Aphrodite. Others he's only heard stories about and seen pictures of like Luke Castellon and Michael Yew. Then there are some he doesn't recognize at all.

Beckendorf holds up a hand and everyone falls silent. "We can all question Leo later, but right now, there's someone he needs to meet."

There seems to be a collective smile because the group knows what Charles is talking about and obediently disperse.

"Who do I have to meet?" Leo asked, puzzled, and Beckendorf just grins and ruffles his little brother's hair before escorting him to one house. It looks like a warehouse and he can hear hammers clanging against metal inside.

"I'll leave you two alone to get reacquainted," and Beckendorf leaves Leo to push open the doors and enter.

In the back room, a woman stares intentionally at a black screen, mumbling something about malfunctions and her son. He knows her. Brown curls obscure her tan face and she has her back to him, but Leo knows her.

Suddenly, the screen flickers on until it is practically a mirror, reflecting Leo standing in the doorway behind its viewer. She gasps and spins around.

"Leo!" Esperanza Valdez cries and opens her arms to her only child.

"Mama!" And he dives into them, crying because she's here and he's here and they're together. "I'm sorry. I-I missed you and I know I made a lot of mistakes, but-"

"Leo," Esperanza cut him off, firmly. "I am so proud of you, mijo."

She hugs him once more and they spent hours talking to each other because after all, they do have over eight years to catch up on.

Some of the heroes choose to be reborn, but Leo, his mom, Beckendorf, and Silena stick around, among others. Many years passed after Leo died, an abnormal amount of time for a demigod to survive but then again, all of these demigods were known for doing the impossible.

Percy and Annabeth walked through together, no longer sixty-three but sixteen again. How they managed to die at the same time, Leo doesn't know.

Jason comes before Piper, and she follows less than two years later.

Frank and Hazel die separately and the latter lives until she is one year older than Frank's dying age. He remembers Frank stood by the gates day and night, waiting for Hazel to arrive.

Leo's Elysium was complete.

* * *

 _Feel free to leave me suggestions for other one shots about Leo's relationships! Tell me if you want me to do one of these songs based fics about a romance between Leo and Nico._

 _Thank you_

 _-Myra109_


End file.
